Dear Robert Mueller:
Have you been getting my text messages?
I know they come to you @TheJusticeDept like it was %General Delivery, but surely you have seen them by now. There have been so very many.
Some just quote the most relevant line of that particular news story about the investigation. Sometimes it is with a pithy comment of my own. It can be accompanied by an emoji, usually the one of a blonde with a hand over her face and the initials “smh” for “shaking my head” after it.
I know you are getting a lot of public heat from “America’s Mayor” right now to wrap up the investigation, as well as from The Donald’s minion, Devin Nunes (R-CA) and the cabal generally known as “The Freedom Caucus.”
I am on the record much more forcefully than is Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) that you be allowed to continue the investigation. But unlike him, I am not beholden to the Koch Brothers for any outcomes come mid-term time.
Except I am starting to have nightmares inhabited not only by Trump, but his scion as well. And Roseanne Barr.
It was the presence of the latter in my dream last night I found most discombobulating. But then again, I think it is fair to say most people would.
I am starting to wish for a wrap up too because I find Donald Trump to be relentlessly exhausting. I know he intends his victims to find him -a non-stop fabulist with shifting story lines- to feel this way. It is easy to give in to him because you just want to make it all stop and for HIM to just go away, no matter how badly he has fleeced your faith, trust and wallet.
And I hate to be the bearer of bad news to Vladmirovitch, the Princes of the UAE (including Erik) and possibly Qatar, but he will end up fleecing you in some form or fashion as well.
It’s what he does. It’s compulsive. He can’t help himself. It is the essence of what passes for his soul.
He shears sheep for his living.
But I digress.
It is just finding out Little Don also met with other foreign governments for “Kompromat” on Hillary Clinton -well, seriously, this is going to be like a Jules Verne novel. Only this “adventure” is taking exceeding longer than 80 days in a hot air balloon.
Why couldn’t they have just lifted quotes from “Clinton Cash?” I am sure the punishment for copyright infringement would have been far less severe, and it would have seriously cut down on your man-hours, too.
Doesn’t this new information go to “pattern of behavior,” as Ari Melber would say? (Sorry, I can’t do it while invoking rap lyrics like he can.)
So with this obvious pattern of conduct, with Devin the Menace on the loose and me having nightmares and all…
Please issue the subpoena, let POTUS lie under oath as we know he will, recommend him for impeachment as soon as the Democrats win back control of the House and let us all call it a day.
But if you can’t, then soldier on (or whatever Marines call it) because any other outcome would be moot at this point.
The lives of schoolchildren in the future depend on how long the NRA can control Trump and the GOP spineless that have made him their “reality” idol that they placate, pacify and soothe with their sycophantic “dear leader” greetings. Not to mention the line of other similar “POTI” that could come after him.
Hallmark is calling. It wants genuine feeling and true love of country back. It wants decency in our civic discourse back. It wants honor, integrity and honesty back.
And I don’t want to have to dream about Donald Trump ever again.
Or Roseanne, for that matter.